I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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