he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
