im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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