I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
