I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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