I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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