ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
