I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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