shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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