at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
