i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
