i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
