Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
