i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
