woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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