Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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