he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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