If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
