those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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