I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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