I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
