Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
