Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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