I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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