I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT