You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
