Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today