I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.