apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
