Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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