my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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