when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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