okay pat passed out under dana's car
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.