On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
