you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
