in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize