And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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