its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
