i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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