Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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