Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
