break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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