youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
