you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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