So drunk its hurt
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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