I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize