Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
