ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
