before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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