Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
