I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
