I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
