it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
