just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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