I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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