Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize