I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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