some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
