Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
