You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
