Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize