Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
