That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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