please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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