there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
