somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
