god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
